I don't know how you do it???

"I don't know how you do it?"  I get this question, A LOT.  From my friends, cashiers at the store, random passerbyers (is that a real word?), and depending on my mood and my kids mood, the answer can go one of two ways.

On a good day, my answers are pretty simple.  I do it because I am the luckiest person on the planet.  I mean, just look at these beautiful little people that B and I created.  I do it, because I am blessed to call it my job.  I do it, because my better half, my best friend, the world's best father is at my side, helping me do it.  I do it, because God granted us with 4 healthy and happy baby boys.  I do it, because I could not imagine loving anyone more than my boys.  I do it, because I am their mom and God apparently thinks I am a Bad Ass!

On a bad day, I still truly believe ALL of these things, however, in the back of my mind, when this question is asked, I think to myself.....I don't fucking know, HOW I do it, I just do.  I probably haven't showered today, I can tell you I haven't washed my hair since.....I don't even know.  I was up at least 2 times last night, trying to get M to go back to sleep and when he finally did fall asleep, I was wide awake for another hour.  I rarely, if ever, take all 4 of them anywhere that requires all of us getting out of the car.  When the clock strikes 3:20, I cringe because  I know my oldest two will be walking in the door in 3 minutes and the CRAZINESS will be begin.   I know I will sit with O for at least an hour going over homework, spelling words, studying for tests, etc., while the other 3 patiently wait for some attention to be given to them. I know that when I start making dinner, S will complain that he is hungry NOW, M will want to eat or be held, O will still be finishing up homework and H, H just won't stop talking and then S joins him.  While all of this is going on, I keep staring at the clock, counting down the hours, minutes, seconds until B walks in the door.  Poor B.....sometimes I feel for him, walking into a madhouse and a hot mess of a wife, and sometimes, I am jealous of him.  Jealous that he has a job, jealous for the time he gets driving in the car to and from work, in silence.  Jealous that he communicates with adults, all day.  But also thankful, that he is able to provide for us and our munchkins.  Thank you, B, I know I don't say it enough.

At the end of the day, I don't know how I do it, but I just do.  Everyday is different, everyday has challenges, everyday I want to pull my hair out. Every night, I say goodnight and sweet dreams to the 4 biggest miracles of my life and when I give them a kiss and hug and say "I love you", I've done it!