Liar, Liar pants on fire

M had his 6 month checkup today and is growing like a weed!  Maybe this explains why he has been waking up 2-3 times at night for the past month, but probably not.  The Dr. told me that we should be letting him cry it out, for up to an hour and he should be sleeping through the night (at 4 months).  I was going to ask her if she would like to come over, between the hours of 11pm-7am, but then I remembered that she would see that not only are we NOT letting him cry it out but we are breaking every other rule that I told her we were following.  "Does he sleep in his own bed", she asked.  He sure does....I left out the part about it being for about 2 hours at night and maybe, maybe if he is super tired, for 20 minutes during the day.  All other times he is snug as a bug in our bed.  "No pillows, bumper pads or blankets in bed with him, correct", she asked as she starred me in the eye.  Correct....except for when he is in his bed and he is snuggled up to his favorite blanket and when he is wedged between B and I in the middle of the night, cuddled up to his favorite pillow and nestled under a cozy blanket.  "Are you still breastfeeding", she smiled.  I sure am.  "Good for you", she said, "keep it up".  I smiled back.  What I wanted to say to her was, I sure am and it SUCKS.  I'm over it, I want my boobs back and I want to wear a real bra and go back to my normal size, non-milk inflated boobs. But, I didn't.  I'm not sure what I was afraid of? It's not like she was going to yell at me, or would she?  Would she think that I was a terrible mother?  Surely not, but in the back of mind, that's what I was thinking.  It kind of takes me back to my days of therapy.  I pretty much flunked out of that one.  I wasn't willing to divulge the entire reason I was there, the Dr. would clearly think that I was a complete crazy person....or maybe just a normal person, with "issues".  Let's be honest, we ALL have issues, it's just admitting that we do that takes courage.   I'm still working on it....10 years later.  I'll get there, one day.