Busta Rhyme

S is all about rhyming words lately and I've got to say, he is really good at it.  Yesterday threw me for a bit of a loop, but coming from S, anything is possible.  The conversation between S and H went like this;

S: "Stick and Dick rhyme, right?"
H: "Um, yes, do you know what THAT is?"
S: "What, dick? It's something you eat?"
H: "Mommy, did you JUST hear him?  Isn't dick a REALLY, REALLY, bad word for something?"
Me: "Yes, it is.  Do you know what it is?"
H: "No? But I don't think it's something you eat"
Me: "Correct, time to go"

End of conversation.  Until.....later that evening at the park.  When S was running around chanting, "Stick and Dick, Stick and Dick, Stick and Dick".  Proud mommy moment?  I think not.

My boys

Easter turned out to be an amazing day, from start to finish.  The boys had a great time finding eggs and opening up their Easter baskets....M and I slept through that part, oops!  Thanks B, for holding down the fort and waking up at 6am, you are the bomb.  The boys had candy for breakfast, this had kind of become a tradition on Easter, think whatever you would like about that.  We missed church (not such an amazing part of the day :( )  Will try harder next year.  We met my mom for brunch, which was great.  SO thankful for a strong bloody mary(s) and 3 boys who have FINALLY learned how to be well behaved in a restaurant.  Then it was a quick stop at Grandmas house.  This gets a little tricky.  Grandma is not used to all of the commotion that comes along with my boys.  She asks them to be quiet, I just sit back, is she kidding?  This usually leads to a shortened visit, but SO nice, non the less.  When we came home, every kid in the neighborhood was out.  LOVE this time of year and our neighborhood.  B and I sat on the porch and enjoyed the evening.  SO looking forward to summer nights, stiff drinks, great neighbors and my favorite boys.

If you don't believe, you don't receive

I knew the time would come when O would start questioning if there really was a Santa, if the Easter bunny was real and if the tooth fairy is really a fairy.  I didn't think, nor did I expect, today to be the day....holy Christ.  It started with the tooth fairy.  "There really isn't a tooth fairy, is there?"  "Go ahead, google it".  Google it??  What was life like before google?  HOW did my parents help me with my math homework?  How did they answer random questions,  they really had no idea how to answer?  I'm not going lie, I rely on google as my right hand man when B is at work.  Google has gotten us out of some sticky situations and has made 4th grade math SO much easier.   Oh Google, you have helped us with, math homework, identifying birds outside, confirming species of insects found under rocks, and the list goes on, and on...and on.  I certainly wasn't going to google, "is the tooth fairy real" because I knew damn well that the answer would be "NO", blinking in big bold red letters.  SO, I do what I do best, danced around it and changed the subject, lightning speed.  Next up, the Easter bunny.  "Is the Easter bunny real?" And this is when B and I threw out one of our favorites, "If you don't believe, you don't receive".  This usually shuts them up right away, and today was no exception.  I know the day is quickly approaching that we are going to need to sit O down and lay it all out there. I'm not just talking about the holidays, I'm also talking about the birds and bees.  Brett and I have already rock/paper/scissored that one and it's ALL him.....or maybe we will just leave it up to google :)

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, OH BOY!!!

It was right around this time, last year, when we found out that I was preggers with BOY #4.  I remember the call, clear as day.  I sat down on S's bed, the sun was shining through the blinds, I was waiting for this call for 5 LONG days.  I think, in the back of mind, I knew it was going to be a boy....or maybe I mentally prepared myself, like I had done with the other 3.  A huge part of me really thought it was going to be a girl.  The first few months of my pregnancy  were completely different than my other 3 pregnancies.  I really thought, since we weren't trying for #4, that God really wanted us to have that girl.  God's funny sometimes...  At the time, I thought I was being punished.  That's bad to say, right?   I mean, we were already dealing with 3 boys.  3 BOYS, who are nonstop action, nonstop talking, nonstop mess makers, nonstop pretty much everything EXCEPT for sitting still for longer than 3 minutes.  Stillness does not exist in our house, ever.  HOW were we going to be able to deal with another one?  The minute M was born, and I looked at him, every single question and fear flew out the window.  How would we mange?  We would love him, just like the other 3, and the other 3 were going to love him, just like they love each other.  That's it.   Our family is not perfect.  I am FAR from perfect.  B will claim he is perfect, I would maybe classify him as imperfectly perfect.  Our boys, SO not perfect, but adorable, REALLY adorable.  There are days, oh there are crazy, crazy days.  When I see my little men together, I couldn't even imagine a different dynamic.  They will grow up being best friends. Best friends that; fight,  love, argue, wrestle, laugh, cry and talk about bodily functions at the dinner table.  At the end of the day, per mom's orders, they will love each other, there is no other option. Who doesn't love to be loved?

Taking my practice off of the mat

I have been a lover of yoga for about 3 years now.  It is my escape and when I am on the mat, I feel like the strongest person alive.  I try, try, TRY, to remember the calmness that I feel on the mat, and bring that with me into my everyday life.  It's hard, REALLY hard.  M is currently cutting a tooth and operation get M to take bottle has been an epic fail.  Now that the days are longer, the boys want to stay up later, which means less quiet time at night for B and I.  Last night our instructor started class by saying, "close your eyes and imagine yourself in a place that makes you feel at peace"  The first thing that popped into my mind was, me running through a field of wildflowers.  I was a bit taken back by this, because it didn't really feel "right".  By the beach, lounging at the pool, maybe, but running through a field of wildflowers?  Odd.  But, I went with it. I left that class last night feeling complete peacefulness.  Typically the feeling lasts until I pull into the driveway, open the garage and hear the pitter-patter of little feet running to the door to greet me and tell me everything I missed while I was gone an entire 2 hours.  Last night, I pulled up to a dark house and the minivan MIA from the driveway.  I walked into the house, SILENCE.  I took a deep breath and what seemed like an eternity, took in every single second of that breath in and once again, as you end yoga practice, let it all go.  B had taken the boys to O's soccer practice and then to the store.  I had 15 minutes to myself, MYSELF!  When B walked in, the madness resumed, immediately, to be expected of course. As much as I enjoyed the silence, the little voices, pitter-patter of feet, and hugs and kisses from my little men is almost as peaceful as my yoga practice, ALMOST....in an entirely different way.

Liar, Liar pants on fire

M had his 6 month checkup today and is growing like a weed!  Maybe this explains why he has been waking up 2-3 times at night for the past month, but probably not.  The Dr. told me that we should be letting him cry it out, for up to an hour and he should be sleeping through the night (at 4 months).  I was going to ask her if she would like to come over, between the hours of 11pm-7am, but then I remembered that she would see that not only are we NOT letting him cry it out but we are breaking every other rule that I told her we were following.  "Does he sleep in his own bed", she asked.  He sure does....I left out the part about it being for about 2 hours at night and maybe, maybe if he is super tired, for 20 minutes during the day.  All other times he is snug as a bug in our bed.  "No pillows, bumper pads or blankets in bed with him, correct", she asked as she starred me in the eye.  Correct....except for when he is in his bed and he is snuggled up to his favorite blanket and when he is wedged between B and I in the middle of the night, cuddled up to his favorite pillow and nestled under a cozy blanket.  "Are you still breastfeeding", she smiled.  I sure am.  "Good for you", she said, "keep it up".  I smiled back.  What I wanted to say to her was, I sure am and it SUCKS.  I'm over it, I want my boobs back and I want to wear a real bra and go back to my normal size, non-milk inflated boobs. But, I didn't.  I'm not sure what I was afraid of? It's not like she was going to yell at me, or would she?  Would she think that I was a terrible mother?  Surely not, but in the back of mind, that's what I was thinking.  It kind of takes me back to my days of therapy.  I pretty much flunked out of that one.  I wasn't willing to divulge the entire reason I was there, the Dr. would clearly think that I was a complete crazy person....or maybe just a normal person, with "issues".  Let's be honest, we ALL have issues, it's just admitting that we do that takes courage.   I'm still working on it....10 years later.  I'll get there, one day.  

I don't know how you do it???

"I don't know how you do it?"  I get this question, A LOT.  From my friends, cashiers at the store, random passerbyers (is that a real word?), and depending on my mood and my kids mood, the answer can go one of two ways.

On a good day, my answers are pretty simple.  I do it because I am the luckiest person on the planet.  I mean, just look at these beautiful little people that B and I created.  I do it, because I am blessed to call it my job.  I do it, because my better half, my best friend, the world's best father is at my side, helping me do it.  I do it, because God granted us with 4 healthy and happy baby boys.  I do it, because I could not imagine loving anyone more than my boys.  I do it, because I am their mom and God apparently thinks I am a Bad Ass!

On a bad day, I still truly believe ALL of these things, however, in the back of my mind, when this question is asked, I think to myself.....I don't fucking know, HOW I do it, I just do.  I probably haven't showered today, I can tell you I haven't washed my hair since.....I don't even know.  I was up at least 2 times last night, trying to get M to go back to sleep and when he finally did fall asleep, I was wide awake for another hour.  I rarely, if ever, take all 4 of them anywhere that requires all of us getting out of the car.  When the clock strikes 3:20, I cringe because  I know my oldest two will be walking in the door in 3 minutes and the CRAZINESS will be begin.   I know I will sit with O for at least an hour going over homework, spelling words, studying for tests, etc., while the other 3 patiently wait for some attention to be given to them. I know that when I start making dinner, S will complain that he is hungry NOW, M will want to eat or be held, O will still be finishing up homework and H, H just won't stop talking and then S joins him.  While all of this is going on, I keep staring at the clock, counting down the hours, minutes, seconds until B walks in the door.  Poor B.....sometimes I feel for him, walking into a madhouse and a hot mess of a wife, and sometimes, I am jealous of him.  Jealous that he has a job, jealous for the time he gets driving in the car to and from work, in silence.  Jealous that he communicates with adults, all day.  But also thankful, that he is able to provide for us and our munchkins.  Thank you, B, I know I don't say it enough.

At the end of the day, I don't know how I do it, but I just do.  Everyday is different, everyday has challenges, everyday I want to pull my hair out. Every night, I say goodnight and sweet dreams to the 4 biggest miracles of my life and when I give them a kiss and hug and say "I love you", I've done it!