Perfection does not exist...and it's okay!

I remember when we had O, the toddler years approached.  I mentally prepared myself for each and every outing.  How would he behave?  What would people think? Could we sit through a meal, at a restaurant, without him throwing something (and hopefully not hitting another diner with it)?  With each child I've become more relaxed, with my parenting and with myself.  I call it 3rd child syndrome and in all honesty, it's serving me pretty damn well.  NO ONE is perfect, not you, not your children, not your marriage and not your family.  If it you say that it is, I call bullshit!  There, I said it, and I do not feel bad.

 I think we go through life in our relationships and in our parenting, trying to portray that everything is perfect.  If our kids act out, what will people think?  If we have a bad day, will my peers think that I've lost all control?  If I fight with my husband, or people see us bicker, will they think there are problems in our marriage?  If my kids are fighting with each other, not listening to me or not behaving in the perceived "unacceptable" way, will people questions my parenting?  Who gives a shit what other people think, that's what I say.  I am okay that my kids are not perfect, I am okay that I am not perfect and I am okay that my marriage is not perfect.  BECAUSE, I know that my kids are loved, I know that I love myself and I know that I love my husband.

I always tell people that going from 2 to 3 kids totally rocked my world.  We go through ups and downs, daily.  I want to pull my hair out, at least once a day.  However, in some twisted, crazy way, having 3 boys has totally calmed me and taught me that perfection is non-existent, craziness is okay, and my life is my life.

Sometimes moms need timeouts too.

B was out of town a few weeks ago and it was a long day.  School, playground after school, homework, dinner, baseball practice and showers.  I THOUGHT the boys would be exhusted, I know I was.  I give HUGE kudos to single parents.  I don't know how they do it?  I am VERY fortunate to have my husband.  I couldn't ask for a better partner or parent to our boys.  When he is gone, it's almost like a little light bulb goes on, in the boys heads, and they feel the need to go ape shit crazy.  Last night was one of those nights.  No one wanted to go to bed, no one wanted to listen, everything I told them to do, they did the exact opposite. I lost it.  I put them all to bed, no books, no snacks, no water.....straight to bed.  Looking back, that probably did not help things.  That 20 minutes, before bedtime, of calming down, sitting together, reading, saying prayers, etc., sets the mood for them, to just go to sleep.  I did apologize to O and H, I felt bad, but at the same time, they need to realize that what I say goes...will they ever realize this?  If you haven't heard of the book, "Go The F To Sleep", I highly recommend that you find it and read it. I read it last night, after the calmness set in at my house (with a glass of wine), and I felt more normal.  Sometimes moms/dads need timeouts too.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day and I'm feeling FINE!!!!

In less than a month I will officially be a stay-at-home mom.  EEEKKK.  I LOVE my boys, really I do.  I also LOVE, love, love my time at the office.  It's not often that I can sit down, drink a hot cup of coffee and not have to get up, every 5 minutes to cater to my little princes.  As the time draws closer, I have many sleepless nights, countless hours of waking up in a panic, thinking, "what the hell WAS I thinking?"  I don't know if I'm cut out to stay home?  I love to shop.  LOVE it!  I love to buy my boys overpriced clothes and I am a sucker for shoes.  Besides getting out of the house, the other reason I work is to pay for my shopping addiction of unique boys clothes (which are NOT easy to find) and shoes/jeans.  At the end of the day, do my kids really need to best clothes?  Do I really need overpriced jeans?  I know that the answer is NO...but I have yet to mutter those words, when I ponder the questions.  What I do know is, I am going to enjoy every single waking, crying, whining, laughing, screaming minute with each of my boys, while I can.  I may want to rip my hair out, by 6pm and start drinking margaritas, while they are enjoying grilled cheese for lunch, BUT damn it, I'm going to LOVE being a stay-at-home mom, I'm going to LOVE it!  Right?!?  Let's be honest, I'm still going to shop, I'm just going to need to keep it on the down low!

Undivided Attention

Okay, so here's the deal.  I'm going to let you in on a little secret.  Being a full-time working mom, of 3 boys (3 CRAZY boys, under the age of 8) is really flippin' hard.  It is hard for a lot of reasons, however the hardest part for me is getting in that one-on-one time that each of them so desperately need AND deserve. 

I recently read an article on spending one-on-one time with your kids.   To sum it up, it said that if you take 5 minutes out of each day and dedicate those 5 minutes, without interruption, with your child, it will make all of the difference in the world.  5 minutes, we all have an extra 5 minutes, if not more...as parents we can do this AND we should want to.  

Yesterday, I picked up the boys from school.  O was on the playground, playing with his friends.  Of course, he didn't acknowledge the fact that I was there.  If he had, our eyes would have met and he would ultimately know that his time on the playground was limited because we would need to get home to begin the witching hour.  Did I mention how much I despise the witching hour?  This is the time between when I pick the boys up and when I get dinner on the table.  I like to keep this under an hour, to keep us all sane, but that doesn't always happen.  

Sorry, okay where was I?  So, I decided to grab H from his classroom.  Of course, like everyday, he was SO excited to see me.  It's one of the best feelings in the world, I'm not going to lie.  H and I went outside, sat on the curb and H pulled out the book he bought from the book fair that day.  We sat and read together, for about 5.. maybe 10 minutes.  During that time, it was him and I, no one else.  His brothers weren't around, the sun was shining, and despite all of the commotion on the playground, that valuable time remained about us.  

We sat close, his head leaning against my shoulder, it was priceless.  I told him how much I loved the books he picked out and how I glad I was that I was the first person that was able to read them with him.  He looked at me, with those gorgeous eyes, and said, "I love you mommy".  I love you too, little man, with all of my heart and soul, forever and forever and forever.  YOU are my favorite Hudson and my best friend.  It was at that moment that I realized parenting really isn't that hard.  As children and even as adults, we all want undivided attention and to know that they are loved.  Seems easy enough to me!  

When you can capture a moment like this.....

Hold on to it and cherish it forever!

I LOVE this little man with every single ounce of my heart and soul.  xoxo

Life is Good!

It's not often that I can say, I am peaceful and feel an overabundance of love, gratitude and happiness.  There is a lot of crazy shit happening in the world and I am happy not to be part of it.  My kids are healthy and happy and are surrounded by such an amazing group of friends.  My husband is a kick ass father, who is my best friend, supports, encourages, and loves me unconditionally.  I am about to start a new chapter in my life, which I am SO excited to share with my family and my friends.  It's going to be one kick ass summer!  I think I may be losing the stress lines/wrinkles, on my face, as we speak!

Smack that Ass!

The other night, as we were putting the boys to bed and saying our prayers, my middle son said to his older brother, "Hey, Ollie, smack mommy's ass."  He is 4.  It was one of those moments where I was actually speechless (that doesn't happen often).  Speechless because, he used it in the correct context and HE IS 4!!  When I went to bed that night, I envisioned him, in college, at the clubs....smacking that ass.  So wrong.

It's not always easy to love yourself....

Recess

I often work recess, at the boys school.  It helps us earn service hours, which in turn lowers our tuition.  I also actually really enjoy it.  There is something about the innocence of a child that is irreplaceable.  The screaming, running, laughing, jumping, swinging, and ball kicking energy that each of these kids exhibit make you value life.  We go through life, as adults, at such a fast pace that we often forget the importance of play.  Taking time to step back, out of our daily world, and just enjoy the life we have been given.  Believe me, easier said than done.

But what if we knew it was our last day on earth.  A good friend of mine lost a dear friend of hers last night.  He left this world with a wonderful wife and two small children.  It was sudden, unexpected, but some how he knew it was coming.  I can't even imagine the sadness that is overflowing the lives of this family right now.  Everyday there is death and everyday  there is sadness.

At 36 years old, I still have a hard time comprehending death, especially when unexpected and definitely undeserved.  My dad past away 7 years ago and not a day goes by without me thinking about him.  My kids will never have a grandfather, but I will make sure that they always have the memories of what an amazing, courageous and loving human being he was.  Was he perfect?  Oh, no, far from it.  Is anyone perfect?  Imperfection is what makes us human and mistakes are what make us better people.

As I stood outside today and watched these children play,   I couldn't help but think, what if we could put all of these little people in a bubble?.  To never see hurt, to never experience sadness, to never be put in a position to lose a loved one.  Impossible, I know.  Innocence is a powerful thing and it doesn't last long, this I know.

When my 7 year-old comes home and says, (let's call him Bob) "said the 'B' word today."  When asked, what is the "B" word? He replied, "you know, B-I-C-H".  I said, I don't know that word.  He was quick to reply, "You know, bitch, the word that is all of the bad words mixed together".   Honey, if you can't spell it and you do not know what it means, then it better NEVER come out of your mouth.  He's in 2nd grade....what the hell is going to happen next year and the many years after that?

My husband and I often tell our kids to stop growing up.  We want them to stay small.  My middle one will always say, "we have to grow up, so we can become daddy's."  One day, daddy's they will be, I hope and pray.  Until then, I will continue to believe that they live in a bubble, of pureness and innocence.  Who am I kidding!

Breathe.

I once read an article that said, you should start each day with at least 20 minutes of meditation.  To clear you mind, preparing yourself for what the day brings.  During those 20 minutes, it’s simple, you BREATHE. 

While that’s all good, in theory, I would like to share with you how our mornings typical go.

WAKE UP!  We are late, again.  At least one of the boys has crept in, at some point in the night and is snuggled in between B and I.  It’s usually H, with his sweet little face and his crazy bed head.  I’ve learned with H, there is only one way to wake him up and that is with humor.  Typically it involves the pincher bugs AND the tickle bugs.  O, on the other hand, is ALWAYS the first one up.  4am on Christmas morning, 5:30 am on his birthday….he loves any/all holidays.  IF, S slept through the night, he typically wakes up singing a little something-something.  Lately, it’s been a sweet rendition of, “chugga, chugga, choo choo”.  Within 25 minutes we are showered, dressed, teeth brushed and headed downstairs.  25 minutes, 5 people, that’s pretty damn good, right?  Oh, but then there is breakfast.  One likes juice, the other milk.  One likes cream cheese ON their bagel, the other, ONLY on the side.  Then, there is the one that doesn’t like bagels, or cream cheese, or juice.  The dog needs to go out, eat, and take his pills.  Coffee needs to be made….and sometimes remade.  Lunches, water bottles, snacks, hats, gloves, homework ….check, check and CHECK.  Out the door we go!  Once that door closes, I can breathe and enjoy my 5 minutes of drinking a hot cup of coffee.  I live for those 5 minutes, those glorious 5 minutes, in a car no less.

 If my math is correct, in about 16 years I will be able to wake up, take 20 minutes to meditate, clear my mind and just breathe.  Of course, at that time, I will have 3 teenage boys and an entirely new set of craziness to deal with. 

Deceptively Delicious Blueberry Oatmeal Bars (With Spinach). Courtesy of Jessica Seinfeld

These bars are AMAZING!!  My kids LOVE these and could eat them for every meal.  The best part is, they are packed with pureed spinach.  Is it bad that I find enjoyment in my kids indulging on a food that contains a vegetable that they all despise?  I'm not going to lie, I giggle to myself every time they take a bite.  If they only knew.....


Ingredients:

• nonstick cooking spray
• 2 cups old fashioned oats
• 1 ¼ cups all-purpose flour (I use Wheat Flour)
• ½ cup sugar
• ½ teaspoon cinnamon
• ¼ teaspoon baking powder
• ¼ teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• ¾ cup balance trans-fat free margarine , chilled
• 1 cup no-sugar-added blueberry spread
• ½ cup spinach , puree (I always add a bit more spinach puree)

Directions:

1. 1
   Preheat oven to 375.
2. 2
   Coat an 8"X 8" baking pan with cooking spray.
3. 3
   In a large bowl, combine oats, flour, sugar, cinnamon, baking powder, salt and vanilla and stir to mix well.
4. 4
   Add the margarine and cut it quickly into dry ingredients with two knives until the mixture resembles coarse meal and is no longer powdery. Do no overmix--bits of margarine will still be visible.
5. 5
   Set aside about half the oat mixture; press the rest firmly into the pan. Bake until lightly browned at the edges (but not fully baked), 13 to 15 minutes.
6. 6
   Meanwhile, mix the preserves with the spinach puree in a small bowl.
7. 7
   Spread blueberry mixture over the partially baked oat layer, then sprinkle with reserved oat mixture. Bake until topping is slightly browned, 20-25 minutes. Set the pan on a rack to cool completely before cutting into 12 bars.
8. 8
   Spinach Puree:.
9. 9
   Steam baby spinach(for mature spinach-remove stems) for about 30-40 seconds or cook in skillet with 1 tablespoons water for about 90 seconds or just until wilted. Puree in food processor or blender for about 2 min until smooth and creamy.

Enjoy! 

Happy Wednesday Bitches

Kairos

Kairos (καιρός) is an ancient Greek word meaning the right or opportune moment (the supreme moment). The ancient Greeks had two words for time, chronos and kairos. While the former refers to chronological or sequential time, the latter signifies a time in between, a moment of indeterminate time in which something special happens. What the special something is depends on who is using the word. While chronos is quantitative, kairos has a qualitative nature.

A good friend (thanks Natalie), recently sent me an article by Glennon Melton, who writes for The Huffington Post.  She is a blogger, a mom and has a keen perspective on parenting.  If you are a parent, follow her.  She makes everything about parenting..the ups, downs, good times, pull your hair out and scream times, okay.

My most recent Kairos moments:

1.       Saying goodnight to my boys, once they are fast asleep.  The stillness in their little bodies, the peaceful sound of their breathing, and that moment in time when I look at them and thank God for the little miracles he granted me

2.      The other day, I was taking off my mascara and O said to me “I didn’t know you wore makeup?”  What an innocent little soul.   He apparently doesn’t see what I see, when I look in the mirror when I’m sporting a makeup-free face.  I looked at him and said “thank you.”

3.      When S gives kisses.  The pucker of those little lips.  When you see his little face, his perfect lips coming closer and closer to my face, time stands still.

4.      My little man H.  I still call him my little baby.  He responds by saying, “I’m not little, I’m medium sized.”

5.      When my husband walks in the door, from work.  Of course, a sense of relief fills my body, because I am able to hand over the kids.  More importantly, when I see his face, that giddy feeling fills my soul, which reassures and confirms how lucky I am

Compliments Welcome

Who doesn't like a good compliment? I hated them, when I was younger.  Now, I will gladly accept them, look the person in the eye and say "thank you".  I especially like the compliments I get from other parents/spectators. Yesterday, I was on the playground with my boys (all 3) after school. I will be the first to admit, rarely do I take all 3 of my boys anywhere, let alone a playground where there are other kids, mulch to be thrown, dirt to be eaten and *gasp* other parents there to judge every little step of my parenting and my kids behavior. It was so gorgeous yesterday, so I said "what the hell" we are going and we did. It was a great time. When we were leaving, a random couple stopped me and the wife said "we watched you and your three boys and you are a really good mom and you have really great kids." REALLY? Why thank you, I will take the compliment and run with it. It's little comments like that, from kind strangers, that make trips such as this, worthwhile. Looking forward to our next outing together.

Why Blog?

Why not?  I'm not going to lie, I am brutally honest and I think I'm pretty damn funny.  I am far from perfect, I make mistakes (many) daily and I have the mouth of a truck driver.  I am a bit compulsive, a huge control freak (although I am working on that) and I love with all of my heart.  Do you ever wish you could say something that you thought about, or may have entered into you mind even for just a split second?  But you don't because, *gasp* what would people think?  Who gives a shit.  If you can go to sleep at night and answer "yes" to the following questions, you can say/type/write whatever and whenever you want.  


1. Did I tell my kids that I love them when they woke up, left for school, came home and went to bed?
2. Did I hug and kiss my kids at least 5 or more times today?
3. Did I have a conversation, with my spouse, that didn't involve kids/work?
4. Did I laugh at something/someone today?  I mean REALLY laugh.  You've got to laugh. Let it out, it's good for you
5. When you lay your head down at night, can you  forget about the days craziness?  


To quote by Mr. Ralph Waldo Emerson:
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."


True that Ralph!


Why do I blog, because I can.  Tomorrow, there will be more blunders and absurdities to add to my crazy life and I look forward to sharing them with you.

For the love of my boys

On May 16 2004, I became a mom to the most beautiful little human being, ever created.  I was amazed at how much I could love a someone who spent the first day of his life; crying, pooping, peeing, crying, pooping...and this continued on for what seemed like an eternity.  But, with each passing day, through the sleepless nights and numerous feedings, my love continued to grow.

So, what the heck, we tried for number 2 (with ease).  On September 29th 2007 (1 week early) we welcomed our second Boy.  Another boy.  I'm not going to lie, I wanted a girl.  I cried when I found out we were having a boy.  Awful, right??  Who wouldn't be ecstatic that they were pregnant, with a healthy baby growing inside of them?  I was VERY happy, but in the back of mind, I really wanted that damn girl.  When H was born, ALL of the feelings of wanting that girl went away.  He came out, in record time, all cheesy, with this dark head of hair, 10 fingers and 10 toes, at that point, it no longer mattered that he had a penis.  He was healthy and he was ours!  At that moment I realized again, how much love I had to give.  

Okay, so number 3 would HAVE to be a girl, right?  WRONG!  I prepared myself when we went in for that ultrasound.  For 2 weeks prior, I told myself, it's going to be a boy, stay strong, keep smiling and don't be disappointed when the ultrasound tech shows you that little penis on the screen.  And that's exactly what I did.  When she told/showed us, I kept a smile on my face and said I knew it.  A few minutes later, I went into the other room to change, looked in the mirror, holding back the tears, and said, "keep it together, it's going to be okay".  And I did.  On May 27th 2010, 2 weeks early, our 3rd BEAUTIFUL boy was born.  Again, the love I felt for this little man was unmeasurable.  

So began our journey.  3 boys, 1 husband and a very LARGE and old St. Bernard (which is also a boy).  I LOVE to tell stories about my 3 little men.  I enjoy sharing their funny stories, silly comments and their love, and sometimes hatred,  for one another.  I also enjoy sharing my stories about being a mom and a wife, for better or for worse.  It's not always easy, it's not always fun, but it's our life, our crazy, crazy life.  

Enjoy-

Jennifer