Mama Bear

I tend to take in the people that need it the most.  I'm almost a magnet to those that are SO much like me, yet SO different.  I'm a protector, a mother, a lover, a friend, a mama bear.  I will love you with every, single, living, ounce of my soul....BUT, once you fuck it up, it's done.  I like to make sure that everyone is okay,  that everyone is happy.  I offer good advice, I always make sure your drink is full, and most importantly, I truly want you to be okay.  Am I okay?  Sometimes.  Do I take the advice that I give?  Not always. Do I expect the same love, the same respect that I give?  Probably not.  BUT, I'm working on it, ALL of it, daily.  I was talking to a friend the other day who has been married for a while.  You know the story; work, kids, marriage. It's hard, it's really fucking hard.  And, with everything, it gets old.  It's the truth, it ALL gets old. If you are doing the same job, for years, you are going to get bored.  If you eat the same thing for breakfast, every, single day, it's going to get old.  If you've been married or with the same partner for longer than 5 years...and then you throw kids into the mix,  I have news for you, it's going to get old.  I LOVE my kids, but I'm telling you, it's hard.  It's exhausting. It's a full time job.  SO, you have a few choices; 1. Mix it up so it becomes new again. So the love you once knew comes back, maybe not completely, but it comes back.  2. Bitch about it, to anyone who will listen, while your spouse/significant other probably sits there in the dark thinking everything is A-OK...or they are bitching to their friends about the same thing or 3. Decide to move on, throw in the towel, declare defeat.  We all change, as the years go by.  It's life.  I grew up in a house where there was no moving on.  My parents stayed together, for the sake of our family, and they shouldn't have.  I don't know how much more/less fucked up I would be?  But, I can tell you, I am glad they stayed together....I can't even believe I just typed that.  I lived in a house, under a roof, regardless of their relationship, where I knew I was loved, by two parents and that was okay.  It was good enough.  It was all I knew.  It wasn't perfect, it was highly dysfunctional, and my old therapist referred to it as "Chinese water torture"....I'll never forget that one.   So is okay, good enough?  Some days it is. Shouldn't we want more than just okay?  Of course. For right now, okay is safe. Okay is.....well, it's okay.  For today, okay is good enough.