WTF kind of day.

Do you ever have one of those days where all you can really say is, "what the fuck".  Today is that day and I hate those days.  The boys are all off of school this week so the house is crazy.  It doesn't help that it's 2 degrees outside, so forcing them out to play is not an option.  On my mind are a couple of dear friends. Yesterday, I spent the morning with one of those friends and her son.   She was telling me that her husbands grandfather was in the hospital and not doing well.  I learned last night that he had passed away.  I hate death.  The thought of it, the idea, when it's going to happen to me. How? When? Who will die first, B or I?  S has a theory and the order goes like this; B, Me, Dog, O, H, S, M....oldest to youngest seems pretty straight forward.  You never know and the uncertainty of it all scares the hell out of me.  One of my other dear friends flew in from out of the country last Friday.  We had not seen each other since the summer.  I have a million things I want to say to her and talk to her about and only a few hours tonight to spend with her before she heads back.  I hate goodbyes, and I hate them even more when there are things left unsaid.  I love her like my own.  When I step onto my yoga mat, I know it's not about the physical practice, but about the mental practice.  I know this, but have yet to master the mental part.  Last night, I had one of those "a-ha" moments, like it hits you in the face and you think to yourself, what the fuck was I thinking?   I walked out of class with a clear head, as soon as I got in my car, it became foggy again....  I over think things, I over love, I obsess, and at least 20 times a day, I think to myself, what the fuck? In my perfect world, I would have a laid out plan, a straight path, a road with no, bumps, forks, exit ramps.  It would just flow.  I would not have WTF kind of days, instead I would have, go out there and be awesome, kind of days.  I have a lot of those too, I just would prefer more of them.  Today, like all days, I will embrace the glorious mess that I am.  I will love up my boys, I will not over think what does not serve me, I will (try) to listen to my own voice and know that if something doesn't feel right, figure it out and fix it or let it go.  When I go to bed at night, I will take a deep breath and let this WTF day go and start again tomorrow, with an open heart and a clear mind.