Oh Sinner, why don't you answer?

H is making his first communion this Spring.  This morning we had a retreat, at church, to talk about First Reconciliation, which H will be doing next month.  Our priest, who has been with the parish for 5+ years, has won me over (not an easy task).  Today, he had a beautiful PowerPoint presentation, that laid out, in layman's terms, what Reconciliation...Penance...Confession is and why you shouldn't be nervous/afraid/anxious to go and repent your sins to the priest.  I'm not proud to admit that I haven't gone to confession in about 20+ years.  I think the last time I went was when they had communal confessions where everyone sat in church and thought/prayed about their sins, in their head, and the priest told everyone to say a few prayers and out the door we went.  Well, in those 20+ years, I've committed a book full of sins.  I'm not going to go into details, we would be here all day.   I've lost my faith in God, when my dad passed away.  Questioned my faith, when my grandparents were sick, done things that I am not proud of.  Everyday, even though I try to be the best version of myself that I can be, I commit some kind of sin(s).  As much as I want to go to confession, it scares me!  What I took away, at the retreat today is, what I already knew.  None of us is perfect, we call make mistakes/commit sins and whether it's been 2 weeks, 2 months, 20 years, God will forgive us.  I have 2 great aunts, who are nuns, and I know they have helped myself and my family, through many difficult times through, prayer, hand written cards/letters and phone calls.  We don't see each other often, even though we only live 20 minutes apart.  I think about and prayer for them often and admire them (having God as your boss is a serious gig).  I know they never pass judgement on me and accept me and love me unconditionally, as they do with everyone in their lives.    I am SO thankful for them.  Everyday I work on my faith and everyday I question my decisions and question the crazy shit that happens in this world.  I do believe in God and I am blessed to be part of a parish/community that is so welcoming and accepting.  I'm not sure where I was planning on going with this post.....I started writing it last night and I've been forced to watch football ALL day, therefore on my 3rd glass of wine.  Amen and Namaste.