Promise me (yourself).....

I stumbled on this quote a few days ago and it's been stuck in my head ever since.  The weird thing is, when I was at yoga the other night, our instructor was talking about something, that was very much in line with what this says.  I think this can be interpreted in many different ways, by many different people, at very different points in their lives.  Here is why it hit home for me;

1. My children.  I often question my parenting (I think every parent does).  Am I making the right choices?  Am I saying the right things? Am I doing everything in my power so that my boys will grow to be confident, courteous, kind and successful human beings? Or, I am fucking it all up?   At the end of the day, there is NO doubt that I love my boys, with every.single.ounce of my heart and soul.  I hope and pray that when I put them to bed at night they know this.  

2. Myself.  This is a tough.  It's been an emotional 6+ months.  New house, new baby, new school, new moms to get to know.  I'm tired enough, parenting 4 boys (one of which is currently boycotting sleep unless he his nestled up right next to you) to meet new neighbors, to have kids over for play dates, to make small talk with the mom at drop off.  I do, do all of these things but I'm just not feeling it.  But I need to accept (easier said than done) that I can't do it all, and really do not want to, and it's okay....I hope

3. My children + Myself.  Here's the deal, I WANT my boys to have friends (who doesn't), I WANT my boys to be liked (who doesn't), I WANT my boys to be asked over to friends houses AND be invited back.  I want the moms to like my boys and not think that I'm the crazy mom with 4 boys.  Whenever the boys go to a new friends house, I always remind them to say "please" and "thank you", to take their shoes off, not to pick their nose, and if they DO, PLEASE put in in a kleenex and DO NOT, I repeat, DO not fling it/wipe it/play with it.  By the time they walk out the door, I have severe anxiety and I'm pretty sure they are afraid to go over to their friends house, fearing they won't be invited back.  I think this is why this quote REALLY hit home.  My own insecurities, my own issues, my own anxiety that they won't be the perfect kids (because there are NO perfect kids), all trickle down to these boys, who at the end of the day, I want to be perfect.  Hot Damn, how CRAZY is that??  What is most important, goes back to 1. I love my boys, with every.single.ounce of my soul.  If you asked them if they know this, I am most certain they would say "yes".  

So, it's time to stop spending so much time treading...worrying about the bullshit, putting aside my own insecurities and time to start swimming, really just swimming....let it go...