Gone Daddy Gone

B rarely travels for work, which is such a huge blessing.  I remember when O was a baby and B was gone half of the month, I was working and let me just tell you, it was awful.   Now that we have 4 munchkins, I could not even imagine him travelling.  As much as I would love to go back to work, nothing is better than sitting on the couch, watching Ellen and eating bonbons all day (sorry, just a little joke between B and I).  B has been gone for 24 hours, about 6 more to go.  When B is gone, the boys are on their best behavior.  I'm not sure what he says to them when he leaves, but whatever it is, it works.  Last night, our little was fast asleep by 7:30 and the other 3 were all in bed by 8.  Now, around 8:05, our middle-little came into our room  and said, "mommy, when I have a nightmare tonight, can I come running into your bed"?  Of course, now go back to bed.  Around 8:10, my middle came in and said, "mommy, can I sleep with you tonight"? Nope, go back to bed.  Around 8:30 I heard the sound of a YouTube video coming from my oldest room (he was supposed to be reading).  He thought I wouldn't hear his IPod that he snuck into his room, WRONG, hand it over little dude.  About 8:45, I heard the pitter-patter of little feet, the feet of H, tip toeing into O's bedroom.  "Do you know that mommy has utters?  Two HUGE utters" WHAT?  By this point, I was too tired to go in there and set him straight.  We've had the "utter" talk several times, but for whatever reason, H still thinks I'm part cow. FANTASTIC and clearly a sign that I need to stop nursing M in front of the boys .   I guess that was all he wanted to tell his big brother.  Just like that, he went back to his room.  By 9pm, ALL 4 of my boys were sound asleep, perhaps with the visual of my utters, dancing around in their heads.  Good Lord.

The clock strikes 4

When OH When will our little man sleep through the night?  We were spoiled, obviously.  O was sleeping through the night, 12 HOURS, by 8 weeks, H was doing the same thing around the same time and S....well S, I don't even remember, but I know it was nothing like what our little is throwing our way.    M woke up last night at, midnight, 4 and 6...Oh, and again at 7 because everyone else was up.    The night before, he slept a solid 9 HOURS!  It was pure bliss.  I had this glimmer of hope that we had turned the corner.  The thing about our little is, he likes to keep us on our toes.  Will he take a nap?  If he takes a nap, will it be a catnap?  Or, will he sleep for 3 hours?  Will he go to bed and only cry it out for an hour?  Or, will he want you to hold him until he falls asleep and the second you lay him down, BAM, eyes wide open.  Last night was a bit of a blur. What I do remember was 4am which consisted of a, screaming baby, crying 4 year old (who wanted water and to sleep smack dab between B and I) and a dog who wanted OUT of his crate (bark, bark, bark, bark).  We have this print hanging in the little's room.  It's one of my favorites.  I'm thinking I need to get one for our room that says, "Let your mommy and daddy sleep through the night, if you don't, when they wake, they will lose their shit"  Cheers to a better night of sleep for all!

Oh the places we will go.....or not.

The boys school is having a free event at the art museum downtown.  One of O's friends asked if we were going.  This got me to thinking; There are certain places that B and I know we can take the boys and everything will be okay. Okay meaning, no one will get hurt, talking loud (which is the boys normal tone) is acceptable and people aren't looking at us like we are crazy (thanks, we already know we are so no need to stare).  We know which restaurants we can go to, I know what times to hit the grocery store, Target and Costco.  I can say, without a doubt, that B and I have got it down! Yep, I am THAT confident.  There are other places that you won't see us within 50 feet of, and an art museum is definitely one of those places.  I mean, can you even imagine?  "Sorry about that Van Gogh, I didn't realize he had gum in his mouth when we left the house."    Today we went to see Disney on Ice.  Snoozer for the parents, but a great time for the kids.  I didn't even threaten them, before we walked in, and they all did great.  Okay, so a cake pop may have fallen on the ground, for a split second, before S picked it up again and put it in his mouth and H may have spilled a $25 dollar snow cone all over the floor of the suite.  Hey, if that's the worst thing that happened, I'm giving our family an A+ for the day.  What I saw, on this outing, was a lot of love between my little men.  A lot of little hugs, my middles sitting on my oldest lap, listening ears turned up the max capacity and my littlest little, who was passed around for 2 hours, did not make a peep (Seriously, the most chill baby EVER).  Now, let's remember, we were at an event that was VERY loud and VERY dark, with A LOT of stimulation and sugar, but I'll take what I can get.  Today was a good day and I have my little men to thank and my amazing husband who I couldn't imagine living this life without.

Oh, Bitter Betty....

I was standing in the checkout line, this evening, at Target.  I was SO not in a rush. B was home with the boys and I had been cooped up in the house with 3 of them for the past few days.  H has strep throat and has not been at school in 2 days. 3 tomorrow, shoot me.    Now, you would think if he had strep throat, aka a sore throat that hurts so bad to swallow, let alone talk, that he would have been quiet, while at home.  Not so much. Mr. chatty was himself.  LOVE that kid, but holy moly, he likes to talk, All.Day.Long.   Okay, sorry, where was I?  I deserved a weeknight trip to Target, damn it.  I was there for an hour, and it was glorious!  I strolled down every aisle and ended up at checkout with everything that I came there for (and a few extras).  Now, if I had taken the kids with me, even one of them, you can guarantee about 3 things would have been forgotten, at least.  So, I noticed the woman behind me had 3 items. I asked her if she wanted to go ahead of me.  "Oh, no, that's okay" she replied.  "No, really" I said, "my kids are at home, so I'm in no rush" and I giggled.  I don't think she found that funny, but accepted my offer and stepped in front of me.  As she was paying, she looked at me and said (in her, "I smoke 2 packs a day" voice) , "I was watching this show, the other night, and they said how when you have kids, things at home just get worse".  WOW.......Bitter Betty.  I looked at her and said, "Oh, I don't know about that, it's all good, they are such a blessing".  I was taken back, a bit,  but left there and couldn't get what she said out of my mind.  I would be lying if I said kids don't take a toll on your life, your marriage, sanity, a solid night of sleep or  sleeping in past 8am, going out to dinner and not paying the sitter $80 in addition to the $100+ that you spend on dinner talking about....well, the kids of course.  But NEVER would I say that my life has gotten worse.  More crazy, more demanding, more stressful, YES, but also, with all of that, I am woken up each and every morning next to my hubby and 1 or 2 or 4 of the kids...throw in a dog, that I love with everything that I have and everything that I am (thanks to them).  I go to bed every night (at some point), hopefully, only with B (but typically not) knowing that I am truly, without a doubt, the luckiest girl in the world.  I love, love, LOVE my: crazy, stress full, I want to pull my hair out and pour myself a stiff drink by 3pm, life.  It's not for everyone, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Dear lady at Target-
I thought I was doing my good deed for the day by letting you cut in front of me.  For real, a "Thank You" would have been sufficient.

Regards,
The mom who's life has only gotten better with each crazy boy that her and her amazing husband have added to their family.

Peace Out!

Promise me (yourself).....

I stumbled on this quote a few days ago and it's been stuck in my head ever since.  The weird thing is, when I was at yoga the other night, our instructor was talking about something, that was very much in line with what this says.  I think this can be interpreted in many different ways, by many different people, at very different points in their lives.  Here is why it hit home for me;

1. My children.  I often question my parenting (I think every parent does).  Am I making the right choices?  Am I saying the right things? Am I doing everything in my power so that my boys will grow to be confident, courteous, kind and successful human beings? Or, I am fucking it all up?   At the end of the day, there is NO doubt that I love my boys, with every.single.ounce of my heart and soul.  I hope and pray that when I put them to bed at night they know this.  

2. Myself.  This is a tough.  It's been an emotional 6+ months.  New house, new baby, new school, new moms to get to know.  I'm tired enough, parenting 4 boys (one of which is currently boycotting sleep unless he his nestled up right next to you) to meet new neighbors, to have kids over for play dates, to make small talk with the mom at drop off.  I do, do all of these things but I'm just not feeling it.  But I need to accept (easier said than done) that I can't do it all, and really do not want to, and it's okay....I hope

3. My children + Myself.  Here's the deal, I WANT my boys to have friends (who doesn't), I WANT my boys to be liked (who doesn't), I WANT my boys to be asked over to friends houses AND be invited back.  I want the moms to like my boys and not think that I'm the crazy mom with 4 boys.  Whenever the boys go to a new friends house, I always remind them to say "please" and "thank you", to take their shoes off, not to pick their nose, and if they DO, PLEASE put in in a kleenex and DO NOT, I repeat, DO not fling it/wipe it/play with it.  By the time they walk out the door, I have severe anxiety and I'm pretty sure they are afraid to go over to their friends house, fearing they won't be invited back.  I think this is why this quote REALLY hit home.  My own insecurities, my own issues, my own anxiety that they won't be the perfect kids (because there are NO perfect kids), all trickle down to these boys, who at the end of the day, I want to be perfect.  Hot Damn, how CRAZY is that??  What is most important, goes back to 1. I love my boys, with every.single.ounce of my soul.  If you asked them if they know this, I am most certain they would say "yes".  

So, it's time to stop spending so much time treading...worrying about the bullshit, putting aside my own insecurities and time to start swimming, really just swimming....let it go...